Saturday, June 2, 2018

Rebirth and Renewal

Hi friends.  Well, it's no secret that my life has become a steady rollercoaster.  Eliot and I have been very busy with Happily Ever Hatter, but we've also been busy with work, our house and so much more.  Spring feels like the season of rebirth and renewal, and I could really use a little bit of that right now... 

Honestly, lately it's been a struggle.  I find myself caught between a rock and a hard place... and it's getting very frustrating.  I'm usually a happy-go-lucky person, and I feel like I'm completely drained.  I feel like I owe you a bit of an explanation.

Those of you who follow Happily Ever Hatter on Instagram and/or Facebook know that in February and March I was having migraine headaches.  They were horrendous.  I had a week off in mid-March and I was looking forward to it so much.  It was our first long break since August and I was going to do so many things, check so many things off of my to do list.  I was even planning to write a few blog posts!  Then, I spent most of it in bed with headaches so bad I was nauseous if I moved an inch or rolled over.

Since then, I’ve tried a few things to get rid of them.  I’m adding more magnesium in my diet and taking a magnesium supplement every night before bed.  I monitor my water in-take to make sure I’m always hydrated.  I haven’t been getting migraines as often, but I still get them occasionally.  I'm taking it one day at a time.

Unfortunately, the migraines put us a behind schedule in everything.  Our house isn’t anywhere close to where I wanted it to be by now.  (We’re STILL painting and getting the house organized and unpacked.  Right now I’m pretty sure we could have our own episode of Hoarders: The Disney Super Fan Edition.)  We also got behind in a few of our Etsy orders.  I just felt behind in all aspects of my life and like I’m constantly scrambling to keep up.  And I still feel that way.

I had a bit a of break from everyday life when Eliot and I went to Walt Disney World in April.  (Yes!  We went to WDW in April and I didn’t even post about it.)  I went down for 4 days by myself, and then Eliot joined me for the last four.  That’s another whole story… the short version is that Eliot couldn’t leave work the entire week.

Those four days alone at my favorite place were the best medicine for me.  Of course I missed Eliot, but I talked to him on the phone and texted him a lot of pictures.  He was there in spirit!  I went to the parks and didn’t feel rushed.  I found myself sitting on a bench for an hour or more enjoying a snack and people watching.  I sat in the rain to wait for a parade that ended up getting cancelled- but I didn't care.  I went on rides but didn’t feel rushed to do all of them.  I took my time and soaked up much my needed magic; it was heaven.  Then, Eliot joined me and we had fun relaxing and enjoying a slow paced Disney trip.  It was wonderful… until mid-way through our last day.

I won’t get into it too much, as it’s not my story to tell.  Mid-day, when I was enjoying my frushi in Epcot, I received a text message from my boss that she would be out of the office for the next two weeks.  And that was the moment that everything stood still.

Backstory: The last time I found out my boss was going to be out of work a few weeks, I got a call from my co-worker on my last day at WDW with Eliot a few days after I attended KeyCon 2015.  I returned home to a small tornado of chaos, but we ended up getting through it… even though my boss was out of the office and didn’t see patients for a year.  We had few different covering doctors while she was gone.  And thankfully, once my boss returned, we hired one of them and she’s still working with us.

So… I knew what getting on that airplane home meant.  Eliot literally dragged me out of the Magic Kingdom that night.  I didn’t go willingly.  First, I stalled as long as I could taking PhotoPass photos.  Then, we went “shopping”.  I watched the Kiss Goodnight a few times.  At the end of Main Street, I must have stared off into space towards the castle for 10 minutes.  In the end, he bribed me with a trip to Disneyland before our annual passes expire.  (Hopefully you’ll be hearing about that soon… he better make good on his promise!)  Then, I admitted defeat, said goodbye to the castle and not-so-willingly let him pull me by the hand towards the buses.

And, here we sit.  My boss been gone since mid-April, and we're not sure when she's coming back.  We’ve gone through seven weeks seeing patients with just the two of us.  Next week, one of the other doctors who covered before is going to help out one afternoon.  But it’s still a lot.  The patients are concerned about her, and I am too.  It’s hard to put on a happy face, and to tell them that I don’t really know what’s going on but that she’s ok.  It has been stressful, especially when I’m in the position I’m in.

Let's face it... Eliot’s and my business is booming.  Happily Ever Hatter is always keeping us on our toes, and we love it.  (Ok... maybe not so much on those 3 am nights, but overall it's great.)  We’ve got so many more designs that we're in the process of creating.  And my idea lists have only compounded into a list so long I’ve had to make lists of my lists.  Poor Eliot will never get a break designing 3D ears.

In addition to that, Eliot and I still have plans to launch two more small businesses this year… one of which I’ve been trying to get off the ground for three years now.  This is it.  I’m doing it.  I’ve waited too long and for what?  The perfect time doesn’t exist.  I really don’t have time to do it, but I’m going to make the time for it.  Otherwise, I’ll be sitting here another year from now kicking myself.

Which leads to my greatest internal debate… where do I find the balance between work and our business(es)?  This has been a struggle for almost a year and a half and if I’m being honest with myself, I’m no better off than I was a year ago.  I’m less stressed overall, but there are days when I haven’t slept much, and I’m incredibly irritable about the entire situation.  I’ve basically kissed my usual sunshiny disposition good bye.  This is really starting to gnaw away at me.  And I'm so tired. 

But on days when I’m home while Eliot’s at work, and I work on and create new products, make more lists, and brainstorm and come up with more new products or new designs, I can feel the energy buzzing inside me.  I feel like my starved lungs have come up for air.  I don’t focus on all the things I haven’t done.  Instead, I focus on what I’m capable of doing, capable of creating. 

Deep within myself, I already know the answer; I always have.  It’s not the logical one- as my loved ones keep reminding me.  But each day that passes, we’re getting closer and closer to the day where it’s the only answer.  I’ve already made a few concrete decisions about my future, and my current situation makes my position between the rock and hard place that much more uncomfortable.  I have moments where I feel like the walls are closing in on me, but I’m finally starting to see that glimmer of sunshine, even if it’s only trickling in occasionally.

So, I go forth with hope.  Things will fall into place  hopefully sooner than later.

To those of you who have hung in, thank you.  I am planning to get back to blogging more regularly, but I’ve come to accept that it will have to wait until I’m home full time.  I have so many ideas for this blog that I’m really passionate about.  

Plus, after a few years of considering a new blog name and rebranding… I finally figured out what direction I want to go in!  In fact, the name just suddenly came to me a few days ago and I’m super excited about it!  (I’ve been struggling with that for quite a while now.)  So you’ll hear more about that in the future.  It will be more of the same stuff from before… fun finds, our Disney inspired home and collection, updates about our businesses, our Disney trips, etc… but with a lot more fun additions to come!

With that, I’ll leave you with this quote that I keep reminding myself when I need to: There’s a great, big, beautiful tomorrow, shining at the end of everyday. °o° 


  1. Replies
    1. Thank you! I've really missed blogging... but I have some wonderful news to share with everyone! I'll be posting about it later on today! :-)