My Own Personal Baseball... 💛🎗🌻

Today I'd like to share more about my own personal baseball that current resides inside of me.  I know I already shared quite a bit about my symptoms, but I thought that I would write a separate post about my cyst because it involves a whole other myriad of symptoms and issues.  And like it or lump it (haha, get it)...  it has become a part of me.

I didn't even know about it's existence until after my MRI on April 7th.  Even then, the results of my MRI examination in my chart was a bunch of doctor speak... so I didn't really understand the full scope of it.  At my follow up with my new gynecologist a few days later, Eliot and I discussed the cyst briefly with him, but we still didn't understand the full picture of what was actually going on inside of me.

It wasn't until later that Friday evening that things suddenly came into focus.  After Eliot and I went to bed, we were laying there and he was rubbing my back while I tried to settle my thoughts from the day.  I casually asked Eliot how big 8cm was since he's an engineer and he regularly works with the metric system.  He replied that it's just over 3".

Suddenly, it was like the air was removed from the room as the information sunk in for both of us.  Eliot started to make sure he was calculating the math correctly while I simultaneously asked our Alexa device how big it was.  Both replied that 8 centemeters was about 3.15 inches.  That's the size of a baseball, a hockey puck or an orange.

I immediately started to spiral, freaking out that I had cancer.  I could tell that Eliot was starting to panic a little, but he tried to keep me calm.  The doctor hadn't said anything about cancer at my appointment after all.  Still, I spiraled and eventually he settled off into the land of sleep.  Meanwhile, I lay in bed for another four hours with my thoughts and brain racing.  I looked up images of ovarian cysts, information on how one could get that large.  I tried again and again to fall asleep... but it wouldn't come.  It wasn't until around 4:00 AM Saturday morning that I had finally fretted myself to sleep.

Suddenly, the cyst was all I could feel... and all I could think about.  It wasn't until a few days later that I had my follow up ultrasound.  (The first thing my doctor wanted me to do was have one to confirm what the MRI results showed.)  Also, I should note that it was originally scheduled out another three weeks.  But I called first thing Monday morning to see if they could get me in sooner.  I'd spent the entire weekend freaking out, and I was done with that.  Thankfully, they had an appointment the following day.   

That Tuesday, I was super nervous about my ultrasound.  I had done a trans-vaginal ultrasound before, so it wasn't the actual ultrasound that scared me.  I'd also done the whole drink a boatload of water before coming so your bladder is full thing... I wasn't happy about it, but I would survive.  But this time, I was going to the ultrasound knowing I had a giant cyst inside of me, and it hurt anyways without anyone pressing on it.

After all, I'd only had my MRI 8 days prior and I was still very sore from that.  Laying still on the table for 45 minutes wasn't my favorite.  But I'd realized that the thing they had to put on top of me to put pressure on my stomach had severely agitated me.  (Looking back, now I know that all of this testing sent me into a multi-week long endo flare-up.)

Thankfully, the ultrasound wasn't awful.  It didn't hurt my cyst nearly as bad as I had mentally prepared myself for.  And my bladder wasn't screaming at me as much this time.  Plus, this time I outright told the ultrasound tech that I wanted Eliot in the room with me.  (He didn't come last time because I didn't think they would let him.)  But I know after this time that having him there with me kept me more calm and relaxed.

That Friday, it was déjà vu as we walked back into my gynecologist's office for yet another follow up.  My doctor checked both my MRI and my current ultrasound against the other ultrasound I had previously done the year before.  The cyst on my ovary wasn't there a year ago.  (Or if it was, it was so small that it wasn't noticeable.)  He said that "8 cm cysts don't just show up like that," so that was a little bit alarming.  But Eliot and I weren't as blindsided by everything this time, and we asked a ton of questions.

My doctor believed it was a cluster of chocolate cysts (also known as endometriomas) on my right ovary.  Basically they're cysts that form made up of gross old blood.  They are a result of endometriosis and are pretty common in people who have it.  They're not generally a huge problem... until they get huge like mine did.  There is a chance that it could burst, but he didn't think that was likely.  (And unfortunately, if it did burst, there isn't much they can do for me anyways other than give me pain meds.)  Eliot and I left the appointment with a lot more knowledge and peace- with a plan to seek excision surgery and treatment elsewhere since he wasn't comfortable operating on me.

Here we're flashing forward two months in time to when Eliot and I finally met with my surgeon mid-June... because all of the in between over those two months was long, frustrating, scary, painful and not something I'd like to re-live... even here on my blog.  

The appointment with my surgeon finally came on 6/17 and it was such a relief to be in the office with the doctor who would treat me.  It was down in MA, about an hour and a half and two states away.  Thankfully, Eliot and I both immediately liked him.  I told him about all of my symptoms and the story of how we got to where we were at.  

I also told him about my cyst saying that "I call it my own personal baseball that I carry around everywhere with me."  He then replied that it was larger than a baseball... and probably closer to a softball.  (That's a large orange or smaller grapefruit for those not into sports.)  So yeah... it's probably bigger than I thought.  I'm still calling it a baseball... but who knows how big it actually is.  It's also been three months since my MRI and ultrasound images were taken... so it could have grown even more since then.

Unfortunately, it was most likely one of my medications that caused the cyst to grow over the past year.  Of course, no one will come right out and say it.  But that's definitely the only logical reason that it's grown as exponentially as it has.  I'm not an idiot and I did a bunch of research the night that I was completely terrified.  I mentioned this to my surgeon and he nodded that it was a probable cause.  He also confirmed with me that I'm not on any medications that would potentially cause more harm, and I said I'm not.

So for now, my own personal baseball still resides inside of me.  I can feel it... not when I'm just sitting and relaxing- but when I get up and move.  Since the endometriosis has attached body parts inside of me, there's a pulling sensation when I move certain ways.  I can't reach out or up for anything without feeling everything inside of me shift.  The cyst seems to be right in the middle of that... and I can feel it.

Now I have to wear extra loose clothing.  I've given up on wearing my normal shorts and bike shorts this summer.  And I'm so happy to be out of my leggings too.  (The fleece ones were more stretchy, but the normal ones hurt like hell.)  Like I said before, I'm mostly wearing maternity bike shorts since the waist band is high under my boobs and doesn't hit any of the tender spots on my stomach.  Thankfully, the maternity shorts leave plenty of room for my growing cyst... so they're incredibly comfortable.

I'm extra careful with my stomach and I get why pregnant mothers instinctually protect their bellies... because I've caught myself doing it with my cyst.  I take wide turns like a truck driver so I don't accidentally run into the wall or something.  (I'm a known counter clipper and I've caught myself in the side too many times to count.)  I sidestep in tight quarters to make sure I'm safe.  And I quite literally hold my stomach when wandering through crowds to protect myself from someone passing by accidentally hitting me with a purse or bag.  I have grown a protective bubble around myself... because my cyst already hurts enough- I really don't need it to have any reason to burst.

Right now, Eliot and I are not so patiently waiting to hear back from the hospital.  I'd like to get this thing evicted as soon as I can.  But in reality, we could be looking at August, September, October... who knows?  For now, I'm just going to continue to baby myself and keep that protective bubble wrapped around my stomach and my baseball. 💛🎗🌻

Chronic Disease Awareness Day🎗

I'm just popping in for a minute since today is Chronic Disease Awareness Day. 🎗 

I’ll admit, it’s not a day that I even knew about… until I recently did a quick Google search about it.  I've been wanting there to be more awareness about endometriosis since it usually takes women so long to get diagnosed.  I already know that March is Endometriosis Awareness Month... but I was a bit surprised when that was it.  Then I found Chronic Disease Awareness Day and marked it on my calendar.

You don't often think about it... but there are a lot of people with chronic diseases.  Many people in my life have diabetes.  In fact, I don't think I ever finally finished that blog post... but Eliot was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes a few weeks before my Dad died.  That summer we were going through a lot of medical stuff and then we lost him.  I had actually started to write a post about Eliot's diagnosis... but then my world fell apart.

Now that I’m facing my own chronic disease, this particular day hits quite a bit closer to home.  So today I just wanted to stop in to send some love out to all of the other chronic disease fighters with a shout out to my fellow Endometriosis Warriors. 💖 

Sometimes, things really suck… but we’ve got this. 💛🎗🌻

Suffering In Silence 💛🎗🌻

Hey friends!  It's been two weeks since I first publicly told you about my endometriosis diagnosis.  Today, I thought I'd share a bit more how having endo has reshaped my life.

I will warn you, if you're a bit squeemy talking about bodily functions, this is not for the faint of heart.  Endometriosis completely sucks and a lot of the symptoms are gross.  But I feel like it's important to share this knowledge.  This journey has been very hard on me, and I wish that I'd gotten more information about it sooner.  I never imagined a day where I'd be telling the world about my bodily functions here on my magical blog.  But here we are.  And I'm totally mortified, but I'm going to do it anyways because I think this is important... even if it helps only one other woman or girl know that she isn't alone.

Still here?  Ok, let's dive in.  I guess the first place to start is to answer the question, what is endometriosis?  A quick Google search will tell you that it's a condition where tissue similar to the lining of the uterus grows outside of the uterus.  It's usually found on the ovaries, fallopian tubes and other body parts in the pelvic region.  It's a chronic disease that causes painful symptoms and can affect fertility.  There is no known cause for it as of right now.  There are ways to treat symptoms, but there is no cure. 

There are a lot of endometriosis symptoms... and I can tell you from experience that many of them are pretty easy to explain away.  (As in, my stomach pain/bowel issues are because of something I ate.)  It's when you start to have most of them, or in my case ALL of them, that things finally begin to click.  Obviously, symptoms can be different for everyone, but these are the things that I've personally experienced.

Let's start with the digestive issues- bloating, constipation, diarrhea, nausea, etc.  I can't even begin to describe how awful this is.  I've had severe stomach bloating, cramping and lots of stomach pain.  Some form of "my tummy hurts" is probably the phrase that I've uttered the most over the past year and half.  The cramps are fairly constant... and occasionally I'll experience a stabbing pain where it feels like I'm actually being stabbed in the stomach.  Super fun... not.  

There are days when my stomach is so bloated that it's sensitive to touch.  It feels full and hard and I can't touch my stomach at all.  The water hitting me in the shower hurts.  My underwear and pants hurt.  There are days when I daydream about laying in bed on my back completely naked with nothing touching my stomach... not even the sheets.

Lately, I've actually been wearing maternity bike shorts most days.  I realized that all of my "normal" shorts hit the part of my stomach that can't be touched.  I was so excited when I realized that maternity pants would sit higher up on my stomach.  I quickly bought two pairs from Torrid to try out, and they've literally saved me from having endo flare ups daily.  (I wanted to buy a few more pairs, but they sold out of my size before I could get them.)  Wearing these has been a lifesaver though.  I now know why I've been miserable the past few summers... because my shorts were hurting me.

Endometriosis has destroyed my digestive system.  (I'll preface the rest of this part with the classic reminder that "everybody poops" before I share the rest of this mortifying information with you.)  I've experienced both constipation and diarrhea.  There was one Memorial Day weekend a few years ago that Eliot and I were at my parents' house and I was so constipated that I was quite literally praying to God to just let me fart.  My stomach hurt so much that I felt like I would burst.  Eliot had to continuously rub my lower back to try to help relieve the back pain.  And I was laying in bed for hours massaging my stomach trying to work gas pains out.  It was awful. 

If that wasn't fun enough... the major digestive issue that I have experienced is that I have excruciating pain during bowel movements.  There have been a few times when I've had my period that I've literally thought I was going to pass out from the pain.  Picture yourself sitting on the toilet just trying to go #2 and you're in so much stomach pain that you think you'll die.  It's felt like what I imaging giving birth would.  I've almost had Eliot take me to the hospital a few times... it's definitely scary and not pleasant.

Then there's the bowel movements themselves.  Even if they aren't awful and painful, they become irregular.  If you're a person who usually goes once a day, endometriosis might make you go twice a day.  Frequent bowel movements are normal for me now.  Thankfully, I work from home so it isn't usually an issue.  The past two weeks or so... I'm a three time a day girl.  Again, not usually an issue.  The issue becomes when you're trying to leave the house to have a life.  Days we go out for Red Sox games or other day long activities get tricky.  I'm literally trying to get up early enough to go poop before we leave.  Then it's pretty much the first thing I do when we get home and by then I'm already in complete agony & pain.  And I can't help it one bit.

There's also the nausea.  This has definitely been hard to navigate.  It comes up any time for any reason.  I'm hungry and I haven't eaten enough... nausea.  Eliot's lightly tapping his leg without realizing it... nausea.  A few bumps in the road during a car ride... nausea.  The smell of something random... nausea.  Thankfully, none of these things have caused me to actually get sick... yet anyways.  But I've basically gotten used to feeling nauseous most of the time.  However, there have been a few times when I've had "food poisoning" when I've thrown up and looking back I think they've actually been endometriosis flare-ups... but I'll save that fun tidbit for another post.

So while we're already talking about bodily functions, let's dive into urination.  Having endometriosis means that you might also have painful urination.  There have been many times where I've felt like someone was literally digging their hands up under my belly as hard as they could when I'm simply going pee.  (Side note: I actually dug my hands under Eliot's belly while trying to explain to him how it felt and he was yelling out in pain... so yes, it does hurt a lot.)  It's definitely worse during my period.  There have been a few times where I'm literally yelling out in pain while peeing.  And sometimes it happens when I'm not on my period... so that's fun.

The latest and greatest thing is that I'm having frequent urination.  My cyst is causing all kinds of chaos inside of me.  I experience a fullness that makes me feel like I need to pee... even if I don't.  I can't tell you the number of times I've 'had to pee' and barely anything comes out of me.  It's incredibly annoying.  I feel like I need to pee all the time now.  And I catch myself going often if I'm out in public because I never know when I'm actually going to have to go.  So now I just go all the time to be safe.

We're already talking about bodily fluids, so let's just keep rolling along into periods.  I could probably write an entire post separately about having your menstrual cycle with endometriosis... but I won't do that to you (or myself... because who wants to write that?!?!).  Let's just say that endometriosis is best known as causing painful periods... and let me tell you... there's a reason for that.  You want to talk about absolute hell?  That's it.  The cramps are a million times worse.  The menstrual flow is heavy... and blood clots are plenty.  There have been times it's literally pouring out of me.  I've thought I was going to over-bleed.  And I've already mentioned my touch and go moments during urination and bowel movements.  So I'll just leave it at that.

Let's move onto another awkward endometriosis symptom instead... the pelvic pain.  There's pain, pressure, spasms.  It's a whole host of fun.  I've experienced weird things that I call vaginal muscle spasms.  There have also been a few uncomfortable times when I'm just minding my own business and suddenly it feels like someone is literally stabbing me in the vagina.  There's really no rhyme or reason... just stabbing pain.

But the pain that bothers me most is definitely the lower back pain.  It's constant and unrelenting.  It never goes away.  I should give it a name... because it just lives there with me.  It's gotten pretty bad recently.  I actually could barely walk the other day because my back hurt so much.  And there aren't stretches or exercises I could do to help right now... because giant cyst in my stomach.  I can't do anything that might pop or agitate that- so it's pretty much as many back massages that Eliot can give me right now.  There's also upper back pain, mostly near my shoulders and neck- but that doesn't feel like it's as much of a burden.

A weird endometriosis symptom that isn't common is rib pain, chest pain and shortness of breath.  There are actually cases where endo can affect the diaphragm causing these problems.  I'm pretty concerned about what they'll find when they do my surgery... because I have had rib pain, chest pain and shortness of breath.

Two other symptoms of endometriosis are painful sex and infertility.  I'm not going to get into either one of those right now... because frankly I've already spilled enough personal details about my life.  However, I will simply remind you that I've checked off all the endo symptom boxes, so I'll let you come to your own conclusions about that.

Finally, the symptom that's driving me crazy the most is the fatigue.  Now that we know what's going on with me, I can see how badly I've declined these past few months.  There have been been small hints ... me dozing off at a hockey game inside a busy arena, or nodding off on a short car ride.  It used to be small things like that.  Lately, it's been unbearable.  I could go upstairs and nap at pretty much any given moment.  And sometimes I do.  My sleep schedule sucks... my poor body doesn't know what time it is anymore.  I try to keep a normal schedule, but there really isn't a point to it.  At this point, if I'm tired enough to need a nap, I just go take one.  I know my body is fighting so hard that it needs the rest... so I just succumb to it.

And there you have it!  These are the endometriosis symptoms that will help get you diagnosed... or at least heading in that direction.  I would also like to remind everyone that they're not fleeting problems... I have a combination of these fun things happening daily.  And I never know what each day is going to bring.  That’s why endometriosis is a 'chronic illness'… because the symptoms of it are chronic.  But for me, chronic has pushed the boundaries to constant.  It’s constant pain, exhaustion and discomfort that I’m experiencing… because unfortunately we passed 'chronic' a long time ago.

And before you think we're done... nope!  Because there’s more fun in store for anyone who has it.  Obviously different people present with different symptoms.  So this next section is symptoms that aren't specifically endo symptoms, but are things I'm currently experiencing.  I'm learning new things about this every single day, and I've recently learned that these issues can happen to people with endometriosis.

First, we have brain fog.  Yup, this is apparently a thing.  Fun fact: you can actually get endo on your brain.  I'm not saying I have that.  But I have noticed that I'm more of a space cadet than usual.  I've always had the capability of being a little bit overstimulated and flighty... kind of like a cute golden retriever.  But lately, I feel like it's gotten worse.  If I don't write something down, I will not remember it.  Simple as that.

Next up is sciatic nerve pain and hip pain.  I've had this for years... so I'm not sure if the endometriosis has anything to do with it or not.  But I do know that my hip pain has gotten really bad lately.  I guess we'll find out soon enough when I have my surgery.

A fun one that I'm currently having is severe heat sensitivity.  The summer is already hot enough without this.  I've always been more sensitive to heat than the average person... but add all of these other fun endometriosis symptoms and it's a real treat.  Right now, I'm very much an indoor cat.  When I do venture outside, I make sure to take extra care to stay hydrated and keep myself in the shade and cool spots as much as possible.

I think my favorite random symptom is the weirdness about hunger.  (And I haven't seen anyone else in my endometriosis support group ask about it... so who knows how insane this is.)  But I'm having a very hard time knowing if I'm hungry or not.  I've always been someone who clearly knew when she needed food.  Nowadays... it's not that easy.  My usual appetite is gone and it's currently all over the map.  Some days I barely eat.  Other days I stuff myself.  I've caught myself realizing too often that I've missed meal times.  There are also times when I suddenly get very nauseous and there's no explanation for it... until I realize that I might be hungry.  I never used to be someone who would stuff their face when they felt nauseous, but now that's my jam.  Because hunger seems to be the #1 reason when I am feeling nauseous.  I'll eat something, even if I'm not hungry, and a few minutes later I'll feel better.  It's the weirdest thing.

Finally, I've saved what's probably the most infuriating symptom of endometriosis for last... what I've dubbed the Endo Mental Gymnastics.  Clearly, it's not a real, tangible physical symptom.  But if you have endometriosis, the mental gymnastics are definitely something that you'll experience in some form.  And it also comes with a shiny free membership to Medical Gaslighting Anonymous!

But in all seriousness... this has been THE ABSOLUTE WORST.  The mental strain that I have gone through over the years has been ridiculous.  And it's only now that I know what's wrong with me that I can look back and see how terribly I've been treated in the past.  Doctors will tell you that your symptoms are from all sorts of issues... and some girls are told that it's all in their heads.  (Thankfully, that hasn't happened to me...)  At my last pap smear, I had a nurse practitioner who basically told me that my messed up periods were because I was fat.  (Fun Fact: When I told my surgeon that, he was so mortified that he almost fell out of his seat!)  So for years now, I've quite literally blamed myself for the pain I've been experiencing... because I was fat and it was all my fault.

Endometriosis isn't anyone's fault.  If you have it, you have it.  There's nothing you did wrong to cause this.  And I tell myself that all the time.  It's awful and I wouldn't wish these symptoms and this pain on anyone.  But I also know that I'm a fighter.  For years I've been suffering in silence... and I think it's time to be free from the shackles.  Sharing my diagnosis publicly hasn't been easy for me... but I think it's important to talk about it it authentically as part of my journey... even if it isn't very magical. 💛🎗🌻 

Endometriosis 💛🎗🌻

It’s been exactly 10 months (to the day) since I took this photo.  This girl didn’t know it at the time… but all these months later, it would mean a lot more to her than she ever imagined.  Sunflowers would take on an entirely different meaning & symbolism.  They would make her feel weak, while also making her feel strong.

I’ve been trying to figure out the best time and the best way to say this… but days, weeks, and months have passed and I’m not any closer to finding a way.  So I think it’s time that I just rip the bandaid off and say it.  I have Endometriosis. 🎗🌻

I’ve known something wasn’t right for a while now, but I didn’t have the words to describe it.  80 days ago, I went in for an MRI on my stomach.  A week and one day later, I went to the hospital again for an ultrasound to confirm the findings from the MRI. Both concluded there was plenty of evidence to support suspected endometriosis.  And more alarmingly, both showed a cyst larger than a baseball hanging out on/by my right ovary that needs to be evicted asap.

It’s taken these past two months just to find a doctor who was willing to work on me.  My new surgical gynecologist at our local hospital- nope, my case is too complex for him.  Our specialists who we assumed would be the answer- nope, this is all even above their scope.  After a near mental breakdown and some pleading, I was able to get them to refer me to someone… a minimally invasive surgical specialist down at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston.

Eliot and I traveled down to MA to meet with him last week.  (I didn’t even have to wait the 5-6 months on their waiting list because my case was too high of a priority.)  But thankfully, not only was he amazing, but he validated everything I’ve been feeling- while confirming my endometriosis diagnosis and finally giving me a path forward… excision surgery to remove all of the endometriosis lesions and the giant cyst that’s taken up residence in my stomach.  For the first time in months, I saw a glimmer of hope. 

I know that I’ve mostly been off the radar for awhile.  I've been desperately trying to keep my social media accounts active... but I've exhausted most of my efforts on that.  To be totally honest, Melissa’s having a hell of a time taking care of Melissa right now.  

Endometriosis has sucked the life out of me… quite literally.  I’m not really ok physically, mentally or emotionally.  Coming to terms with the fact that I have a chronic illness that has no real cure has been a rough road to travel down… but I’m getting there.  I’m sore and I hurt constantly.  I can feel the cyst… and on days when I’m brave enough to look in a mirror, I can see where it resides.  

The mental gymnastics that I’ve been through on this journey is ridiculous.  Women's health is not taken as seriously as it should be.  I’m incredibly thankful that the past two months have gone as well as they have.  Because what is blatantly apparent to me now, is how long I’ve had these problems.  Events from the past 5+ years suddenly make sense.  Those two times that I had food poisoning after Christmas, while everyone else was fine?  Endometriosis.  All of the stomach pains, cramping and pain during my period, urination or bowel movements?  Endometriosis.  It’s been here all along, with quite literally all of the symptoms that come with it.  But it’s taken this long to get to the cause of my symptoms- and that would drive anyone crazy.

And the exhaustion that comes with endometriosis… it’s a special hell that I can’t even describe.  If I could spend all day, every day in bed, I would.  That’s just not who I am. Lately, I’ve taken to bursting into tears over the fact that I can’t do anything without it exhausting me.  Occasionally, I’ll have a day where I mostly feel fine, but a lot of the time I feel like a shell of the person I once was.  My schedule now revolves around days I shower and go out to do things, and days I stay in my pjs/loungewear and hang out on the couch at home.  If I schedule two “go out" days in a row… I pay for it.  And naps- those are the most glorious things in the world right now.  My bed is my greatest friend.

Honestly, it’s been awful.  And I hate myself for complaining because I know there are many people who have it so much worse than I do.  

Thankfully, I finally have some hope on the horizon… My surgery hasn't been scheduled yet, but I should be hearing from them any day now.  I am anticipating that sometime this summer we will be traveling down to Boston for my operation.

To be honest, I’m terrified of having another surgery.  This one is a minimally invasive laparoscopy, but it’s still on my stomach.  My recovery will be more extensive than my knee surgery years ago.  Plus, there’s no way of knowing what stage of endometriosis you have until they’re inside of you looking for it and seeing just how bad things are.  (Endometriosis is usually only diagnosed through exploratory surgery.)  My imaging already shows enough that they’ve confidently diagnosed me without the initial surgery.  So now I’m scared of what they’ll actually find.  It's very overwhelming to me... but the good news is that I’m confident my doctor will be able to remove it.

So this is what my life looks like right now.  I'd like to tell you that I'll be on here more often, but right now I simply don't know what the future holds.  I will try to keep you updated though... whether it's here or on my social media accounts.  Mostly, I’m really hoping that sooner than later, I’m going to feel a lot more like me again.  

Finally, I’d like to send out a special thank you to my Mom for spending many days listening to me whine, complain, breakdown and cry throughout this entire frustrating process.  And an even bigger thank you to Eliot for quite literally picking me up when I’ve fallen, driving me around everywhere (since I can’t seem to stay awake), taking me to appointments, holding me tight (but not too tight) when I cry, and for standing beside me holding my hand through everything. 

Here's hoping that my future looks much brighter. 💛🎗🌻

It's National Melissa Day ✨💖✨

Happy National Melissa Day!!!  ✨💖✨ 

Yup, that’s right… apparently my fellow Melissas and I have our own day!?! 🤣 Honestly, I didn't believe it at first.  I had randomly stumbled across a Facebook post that said "Happy National Melissa Day" a day after it had passed last year.  At the time, I looked it up online... and lo and behold, there it was.  It was a real thing!  So now that I know this random holiday exists... I intend to make sure that I remember to celebrate!!! 💕👑✨

I knew that the day was off to a good start when Eliot brought inside our mail before leaving for work.  The personalized Baublebar necklace that I'd bought a few weeks ago during their spring sale had arrived... a gold bubble necklace with my name and Mickey.

And since today is literally all about celebrating the Melissas in our lives, I decided that I would celebrate me by taking the day off from doing normal stuff. 💕 Things here have kind of been a hot mess lately... and I'm usually desperately trying to make it through my never ending to do list.  Instead of stressing about checking things off... I tried to spend some time this afternoon doing a few creative things I’ve been putting off. 🎨 

I've bought a lot of new beads and jewelry making supplies over the past few months, so I took a little bit of time today to sit down to organize them and put them all together into a bucket.  Then, I cracked open the colorful letter beads and strung together a few words and phrases to make into bracelets- including my name... because it is National Melissa Day after all. 😉 I had visions of actually making the friendship bracelets today, but I'll probably need to put the beads into containers before I can tackle that.  Still, this afternoon was very relaxing and creatively gratifying for me.

Hopefully I can carve out some more creative time for myself in the near future.  I see a lot of creativity, happiness and new friendship bracelets in my future… °o°

Happy First Day of Spring! 🌸

Happy First Day of Spring!!! 🌸🌿🌼🌐🌸🌳

I can't believe that it's already been a month since my last post.  I had no intention of waiting so long to visit back here, but things suddenly got very busy very quickly.  

Thankfully, it's been good things for the most part.  Between hockey season and tucking in a few ski trips for Eliot, the past month has flown right by us!  I actually had a few merchandise posts that I've been wanting to post for weeks... At this point, they seem kind of pointless but I might share them anyways since they were important to me.

Anyways, I wanted to drop by for a quick visit in honor of the first day of spring!  The snow in our yard has disappeared quickly over the last week, with days regularly in the 40's and 50's.  I'm looking forward to everything turning green again.  We've still got a bit of time before that happens, but I'm sure it'll be here before I know it!

In the meantime, Eliot and I will be busy with spring cleaning and organizing in the house.  We've also got a lot of stuff going on behind the scenes with the businesses.  But once more of that is done, we can get some things done outside!  I'm definitely looking forward to warmer days, sunshine, flowers and spending time outside!

Happy Spring Everyone!!!  °o°

Cinderella's 75th Anniversary ✨

Today is the 75th Anniversary of Disney's Cinderella!!! 💖  

As many of you already know, Cinderella has meant so much to me through the years.  It's the first thing I think of when someone talks about your classic fairytale.  It's a story filled with wishes, dreams and ends with a fairytale romance.  Disney has produced many classic stories... but none of them have impacted me as much as Cinderella.

Fairy Godmother will forever remind me of my Nana and I'm not even sure why.  Nana meant so much to me.  She was like a second mother, but somewhere in my mind, that equated to a fairy godmother.  She was there when I needed her.  She listened when I needed someone to talk to.  She always knew how to make my day a bit brighter.  So maybe the reason they're the same in my mind is that my Nana was magic to me.

One of the main reasons that I always wanted to learn how to sew was from the scene with Cinderella's mice and bird friends making her pink dress.  I remember being in awe when my Nana showed me her sewing basket filled with stuff just like in the movie.  One day, my Grammie gave me my very own sewing basket filled with my first sewing supplies taken right off the store shelves of Dad's family's store.  I treasured that box... and to this day I've never used the supplies in it because they're so special.  Flash forward to today where both Eliot and I are taking adult ed sewing classes together.  I still haven't made myself a dress (yet) but it's on the list!  Hopefully someday... 

Eliot's and my Disney Wedding is obviously the pillar of my Cinderella dreams.  Our Disney Fairy Tale Wedding was literally that... a storybook fairytale come true.  There were so many little touches that we pulled from Cinderella- riding in the carriage, Major Domo with our wedding rings in the slipper, the pumpkin coach graphic, glass slipper place card holders, taking photos at Cinderella Castle... the entire thing was so magical and I’m forever grateful to have experienced my very own real life fairytale. ✨🏰✨ 

Finally, most recently 'A Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes' has been extra special to me... especially the part where it says, "Have faith in your dreams and someday, Your rainbow will come smiling through. No matter how your heart is grieving, If you keep on believing, The dream that you wish will come true." 🌈  It's no secret that the past few years haven't been that easy on me.  But this passage of the lyrics reminds me of all the hopes and dreams that I had as a little girl and all the ones I still have.  On the harder days, it always gives me the strength to keep dreaming and believing.

Happy 75th Cinderella.  Thank you for being so special to me.  °o°

Small Shop Saturday: Seam Boat Willie Festival of the Arts Collection 🎨

Happy Saturday Everyone!  

Today I'm bringing back another blog segment.  It's been forever since I've done a Small Shop Saturday post.  These complication posts can take so much time between finding the products, writing and adding links to everything... but it's so satisfying once it's finished!  However, instead of doing the giant Valentine's Day drop with multiple shops that I was originally planning on doing, I've decided to focus on one small shop and the collection they just had available to order.

I've been following Seam Boat Willie for a few years now.  Casey and Chris make the most amazing jewelry in small batches.  They 3D model and cast their pieces in sterling silver at their studio in Utah.  Most of their products are released as part of a small themed collection.  Then the jewelry is made to order and will ship in a few weeks.

I'm so excited that I just placed my first order a few days ago!  I've been waiting very patiently for the Festival of the Arts collection to make it's return.  After two years, it was finally back and I knew I had to grab a few pieces!  Art and jewelry are both so special to me... so I knew I had to order a few special pieces while they were available!

Let's take a look at the Seam Boat Willie Festival of the Arts collection!

First up, we have these Festival of the Arts charms... I love all of them and how well they coordinate with each other!!!  And look at those details!!! 🌐🌈💡🎨🖌️

Returning this year were the 1982 Necklaces textured like our Spaceship Earth.  I love these and how simple they are... only a Disney fan would immediately spot it. 🌐

The 1982 Ring also made it's return and I had to get one! 🌐

The Fig Necklace is modeled after our favorite purple pigmented dragon Figment!  The details on this design are absolutely insane... it's incredible! 💡

There's also Fig Ring for people who want to carry one little spark everywhere. 💡

There's an Imagination Necklace for those of us hoping to light that little spark! 🌈

Here's the Paint Palette Necklace that I've been dreaming about for over two years! 🎨 And I'm not joking... I totally kicked myself when I missed this last time around.  I'm obsessed with Mickey paint palettes and this is something I would wear all the time.  (Thankfully, this time I bought it, and it will be on it's way home to be with me soon!)

Naturally, I also had to have a Paintbrush Necklace to go with my paint palette! 🖌️

This Paintbrush Ring also needed a loving home... so I was happy to provide it one! 🖌️ But in all seriousness, this was another design I was kicking myself over not getting last time.  I love this ring and I'm obsessed with how it swirls around your finger.

And that's all for the Festival of the Arts collection for this year!  Unfortunately, it's been another rough week... so by the time this is posting, the collection will have returned to the vault.  But there's so much more!  If art isn't your thing, Seam Boat Willie also makes jewelry for Disney foods, Star Wars and they have a huge Halloween collection!

If you're interested in following Seam Boat Willie, check out their website, or follow them on their Facebook page or Instagram.  I love to watch their stories to see what they're working on behind the scenes and how the jewelry is made.  It's so fascinating to me!

I cannot wait for my jewelry to arrive!  I've wanted these for so long and I'm so excited about adding these special pieces to my collection!  I'm a little sad that they didn't have the Mickey paint palette ring again this drop, but I'm hopeful that I'll have one someday!  In the meantime, I'll definitely be cherishing these special pieces!  °o°

Please Note: Eliot and I are not affiliated with any of the shops I share (other than our own Happily Ever Hatter and Snowblade Creations Etsy shops) and we will not earn anything if you purchase something from this post.  I just wanted to spread a little bit of magical good will by sharing some stuff that I love!  I know how much it means to small shops for their stuff to be shared.

All of these photos belong to the shop in which I've shared them from.  If you link photos from this post, please attach them to their corresponding shop!

Magical Merchandise: Disney American Girl Dolls

Happy Monday Friends!  It has been SO long since I've done a post about Disney merchandise.  Although I've saved photos of products here and there over the past year and a half, there's absolutely no way that I'll ever get "caught up" with them.  But I would like to get back into posting about merchandise more regularly.  So today I've made a special selection to get back into my Magical Merchandise Monday blog segment.

I believe I've briefly told you about my obsession with American Girl Dolls when I was younger.  Felicity was my absolute favorite, but I also had Samantha and a doll that looked like me.  I would spend hours pouring over the catalog when it arrived in the mail.  I always loved the little miniature foods and accessories.  Even as I grew older, my American Girl Dolls were very special to me, and I've taken extra care of them.

So you can imagine my surprise when one day, I opened my email inbox to discover that American Girl was making Disney Princess dolls!  It's like a dream come true!

In July of 2023, AG released three limited edition American Girl Doll Collector Series dolls to coincide with Disney's 100th anniversary celebration.  (I had every intention of posting about the dolls on here... and then a few weeks later my world came crashing down.)  The first three dolls released were Rapunzel, Belle and Jasmine.  Swarovski partnered with AG for the collector dolls and they had tons of sparkle and details on their outfits.  The dolls were limited to 4,000 of each design and they retailed for $300.

At the time, I remember thinking that $300 was a little more expensive than what I would want to spend on one of them.  But looking back, I wish I had splurged and gotten Rapunzel.  The intricate details on her dress are absolutely stunning!

But thankfully, I didn't totally miss out as this was only the beginning of the Disney and American Girl collaboration.  Since the original collector series, AG has also made more standard play dolls for little girls.  So when I saw these... I knew I had to get them.

In February of 2024, they released the first general dolls: Tiana, Ariel and Cinderella... along with other outfits and accessory packs (with sidekicks!) for each of them.

In July of 2024, they released limited edition versions of Anna and Elsa as part of their Frozen American Girl Doll Collector Series dolls.

In August 2024, I was pleased to see that Rapunzel was back, but it was a simpler version of the doll instead of the Swarovski collector design.  However, I didn't care because I knew she would be mine someday.  She also had accessories with her release.  The only disappointing part of her release is that Rapunzel didn't come with another dress option like the original three general dolls did.

Back in November they released Moana to coincide with the release of Moana 2 in theaters.  The doll is beautiful, but Pua and Hei Hei really steal the show!

And this was where I thought today's posts about new Disney American Girl Dolls was going to end... but I happened to check my email less than 5 minutes before I had this post scheduled to go live at 2:30 PM and they have literally just released a general Belle doll.  (Talk about some good timing!)  So after a few quick adjustments and additions to my post, here's what the Belle doll released today looks like!

Aren't these adorable?!?!?  I'm obsessed... and I'm confident that American Girl will be releasing more of the Disney Princesses as time passes.  I can't wait to see who is next and what other outfits, accessories and side kicks she'll have available!

The reason I picked this for my first Magical Merchandise Monday post back, is that I am now the very proud owner of two of these Disney dolls.  For Christmas this year, I asked Santa for a lot of smaller paints and crafting supplies... but my "big items" were Rapunzel and Cinderella.  So Christmas morning, I was transported back in time 30 years as I delicately opened Rapunzel (from my Mom) and Cinderella (from Jeremy).

The dolls are so beautiful.  I won't lie, even though I knew what they were when I was opening them, it still made me a little bit teary eyed.  It brought me back to being a kid and feeling all of the wonder when I first opened Felicity and Samantha.  And the two accessory packs I got took my breath away.  Rapunzel's little paint set is perfection, and Cinderella's pink dress tugged at my heartstrings.  That scene of the mice and birds making her pink dress will always remind me of my Nana.

It's safe the say that American Girl has knocked it out of the park on these Disney dolls.  I am so happy they have partnered with Disney to bring these dolls to the current generation of little girls... and to those of us "big girls" who are still young at heart.  °o°

All photos are from the American Girl website, their facebook page or from marketing emails they sent me.  For more information, please visit their website.  (I also used American Girl Fandom Wiki to research information in this post.)