Stepping Into My Power

It's been one year since I stepped into my power and declared myself a Magic Maker.

I haven't forgotten that day, one year ago, when I released what at the time felt like a giant truth bomb.  Today, feels like a big anniversary that should be celebrated, so I'm leaning into that.  (It's also my father-in-laws birthday today.  Happy Birthday Rick!)

Admitting publicly that I've had some mental health struggles wasn't easy for me.  It was this big scary topic that didn't feel like it was supposed to be talked about.  I wasn't "supposed" to feel the way I felt because I was living a life that most people could only dream of.  Yet, I still felt inadequate, useless, lonely and hopeless.

I've always been the type of person to see the bright side of things.  So going down that dark and winding spiral was not something I was prepared for.  That long internal mental battle was a lonely and isolating place, one that feeds on fear and anxiety.

Depression was a scary place to be in, but I somehow got out of it.  Talking about it on here was terrifying, but after I released the post, I felt a weight come off my shoulders that I didn't even know was there to begin with.  I'm so proud of that post.  I come back to it sometimes when I need a little boost of self-encouragement.  To this day, it's the piece of writing that I'm most proud of.  And I'm so proud of myself for writing it, and more importantly for releasing it out into the world.

Now, it's a year later.  I'm happy to report that this has been a good year.  I feel like I'm in an even better place mentally.  So today, I wanted to celebrate how far I've come over the past few years with my mental health.  

Over the past year, I've made a lot of progress with stopping myself from engaging in negative self-talk.  Sure, we all do it at times, but I've become more mindful of it.  Now, I try to stop myself in my tracks when I start walking down that pathway.  It's made me feel empowered to stop allowing myself to feed into that.

I've also stayed off of social media a lot more.  Similarly to how over-watching the news wasn't helping me at the beginning of the coronavirus pandemic, I've realized being on social media isn't always the best.  It's too easy to compare yourself to others and it's not healthy.  The past few months, I've been back on Instagram a lot more, but I'm keeping things were they need to be kept.  No one lives their lives through squares of perfection- with flattering photo angles, perfect makeup and hair, and through filters.

This past year, I faced people who have hurt me with their words.  I honestly had a lot of anxieties about it, but it ended up not being the big thing I was building it up to be.  I was kind of expecting one particular person to apologize for their hurtful words about me, but that never came.  However, it was at that moment that I realized I didn't need an apology.  They knew what they said was wrong and uncalled for.  And it surprised the crap out of me when I realized that I didn't want one.  I didn't need their apology anymore, because I was happy with who I am and the life I'm living.

I've also come more to terms with most people not understanding my choice of career path.  What I do is not a traditional job, and I'm trying to meet questions with a more open mind.  Instead of immediately putting up walls, I try to look at questions coming from a place of not understanding instead of a place of unkindness and malice. 

There have been wonderful moments where I get to celebrate how much success Eliot and I have had with our businesses.  I post updates on my personal Facebook page occasionally.  It's wonderful to feel the love and support from our friends and family.  

Recently, I also experienced the thrill of reporting back to people about how well we're doing.  I mentioned back in December that I'd gone in to cover at my old job at the chiropractic office for a few days.  I've also gone back in four more times the past two weeks while my replacement has been out sick.  I've seen so many wonderful patients over these visits and I've had so many people ask how Eliot and I are doing and how Happily Ever Hatter is.  I've had a lot of people concerned about how we managed with the business through COVID and with Disney parks being closed.  

It's been a thrill for me to let them know that while things were a little iffy during the extended park closures, we were able to pivot with Snowblade Creations and the desk accessories.  And it's been amazing to let them know both businesses already crushed this month's sales goal not even halfway through the month!  (January is usually a slow month for us!)  I'm so proud of everything we've accomplished with both businesses.  

This past year, I've really stepped into my power.  While Eliot and I haven't been able to make many new products for either of our shops the past few months, that hasn't stopped me from brainstorming, researching and scheming.  In fact, I've been more inspired the past few weeks than I have been in a while, which is saying something considering that I'm always coming up with ideas.  Lately, the ideas are spilling over and it feels like I'lll never have enough time in the day to make all the things I want to.

I'm also trying to take time to myself to be creative in a non-business capacity.  Santa brought me a few crafting supplies that I wanted for Christmas.  I'm really looking forward to breaking into my new UV resin jewelry supplies.  I also have a bunch of alphabet beads that I can't wait to play around with.  I was a bit surprised when I got the jewelry stamping kit, but now that I have it, I can't stop looking for stamps online.

I've decided to allow myself the space to grow and learn new things... maybe even opening two more businesses that I've held back on.  Opening another business is a big step for me.  (You've probably figured that out since I've been saying we want to open the home decor and clothing stores for years now.)  I always overthink it. What if we fail? What if we succeed and get too big too fast?  Will we be able to keep up with this along with our other businesses?  They're all good questions, but sometimes you just don't know what will happen until you actually try it.  And I'm trying to give myself the room to succeed with a new business idea, but I'm also working on allowing myself the grace to potentially fail at it.  Failure terrifies me, but without trying, I'll never know.

Most importantly, I'm taking time for myself and being mindful of my mental health.  I know that I need time to decompress.  I need time to create and craft without feeling like I have to be doing it for the businesses.  I need to take time to zone out and scroll through Pinterest as it helps me get inspired and come up with new ideas.  I need to keep social media in check and sometimes at a distance.  Social media breaks are totally ok.  I also need to rid my vocabulary of any potential negative self-talk.  Finally, I know I need some furry four-legged friends in my life... hopefully soon.

One year later, I'm happy to have grown into my purpose even more.  I am a Magic Maker.  I've embraced it with every fiber of my being and I've done everything in my power to live it on my terms.  I feel creative, I feel powerful, I feel strong, I feel happy.  

And I glow 'cause I know what my worth is.  °o°